Rick – New York City
Man, that soothsayer knew his shit! Still happening two thousand years later!
At the beginning of March 2020, I realized that my job as a Brooklyn, NY tour guide was living on borrowed time. It lasted until March 14th. Worried friends and family offered shelter away from what was quickly becoming the epicenter of the virus, but I decided to stay and wait it out. Surely by July the worst would be over. I prepared for the siege by setting office hours, making a mind map, and assessing my finances. I began writing a journal called “Exile on 191st Street” and made a schedule for eating, TV, and smoking weed (not until after 10 pm).
3/14/20: “I am very sad”.
The kids are calling me every day now. Care packages are arriving. I can’t concentrate on TV except for Cuomo’s daily update. I never liked him and thought of him as the penultimate Machiavellian politician, and now we are seeing that guy’s return, but for the time, he was the right tool for the job.
By March 21st I had my first anxiety attack. I realized that even though many others were in much more difficult straits than I, it was still okay for me to grieve over the loss of my career. I was just hitting my stride. I created a product called The Brooklyn Tour that I felt was as good a tour as any in the world. I was teaching a Pizza class in Brooklyn, finally moving past my 32-year marriage, and after some disappointment with my developing India tour, was busy redoing and renegotiating that project as well. My family was incredibly supportive and I was visiting my grandson twice a month in Massachusetts. Life was good! Then… there was nothing happening at all.
Somehow, April arrived and I began to step up my schedule to include my Indian novel. It began as a simple mystery, a man trying to find his daughter who vanished into the Heart of India. Then it became something else. Even as of this writing I’m still not sure exactly what. The first half of April saw me get my first unemployment payment, enroll in Medicaid, and begin an art project. It also brought, however, more Death, my sister’s stroke, and losing John Prine to Covid.
“Tomorrow never happens, it’s all the same fucking day, Man” – Janis Joplin.
In May 2020, things got weird. A lot of energy, plus a lot of action. Sounds counterintuitive to say about a person living and eating (much eating) in a room. My new book club had its first meeting and this cheered me immensely. In reading my journal from this time, I almost don’t recognize the writer. I am super tuned in to unfolding events here and in India, thanks to my Indian friends, but incredibly anxious. Feeling very low and very sad. I’m struggling for a strategy and feeling that I have some sort of a decision to make (about something), and it is imminent. I seem to be very productive during this time, creating art and writing, as well as diving deeply into music, even writing an extensive essay about my “relationship” with Bob Dylan.
Sometime late in May, I broke a little. The pressure and anxiety became too much. I took to my bed, even more than previously, and lost track of time for a bit. But I got bored with that.
I fell back on my Axiom, “Keep moving forward because you don’t really have a choice”.
So, with riots and protests happening across the country, I tested negative to Covid, and on June 15th, the day after Cuomo declared the city partially open, I rented a car and drove to Massachusetts. It felt like a jail-break.
I’m going up the country. Baby, don’t you wanna go? – Canned Heat
My daughter, my grandson and I have been living together ever since then, although that was not the original plan. I had thought to stay for at least a month, which turned out to be “at least until after the election,” and then the opportunity to move into our awesome new home presented itself. It’s not ideal living with your daughter, but I have my own room with a separate entrance, and for the most part it’s great. Spending this summer and fall with my grandson has been a privilege I didn’t know would come again in my lifetime. I haven’t read my journal from those days yet, but my memory is filled with swimming and fishing in rivers, lakes and ponds. August saw a lovely camping trip to Northern Vermont in lieu of the planned California trip.
But oh, the tension of the election, with its never-ending aftermath! I was actually in terrible shape, more overweight than I’d ever been, psychically damaged and super depressed. It was truly the winter of my discontent. But now I am most definitely on the upswing! Sometimes when you make a simple decision, it can have a ripple effect and for me it took the form of my New Year’s resolution:
“I will go to India in 2021”.
Since making that decision, things have started falling into place; most prominently, I have lost 40 pounds (so far) and I got a bike, since I don’t have or want a car. Many other things have led to my current state of mind, but let’s leave those for future installments.